Written by Meg Kant
dear cycle breakers, I see you
(I want to do a huge shoutout to jesmartini who gave me the inspiration for this blog!)
Dear Cycle Breakers,
If you are disrupting patterns and behaviours that are not serving you or your family, this blog is for you.
Being the one to break the cycles is a really big undertaking. It’s a hard job and one that can feel lonely and relentless.
What do I mean by cycle breaking?
I mean disrupting patterns and behaviours that have been passed down in your family and modeled for you, but that are not in service of your wellbeing, mental health and the wellbeing of those around you.
Disrupting patterns that have been ingrained into your family can be an overwhelming process. It takes courage to identify something that has ALWAYS been done but is not working. Going against the status quo is often more difficult than going with the grain.
it can feel like an attack on others in your life
This kind of work requires not only self awareness but also a firm groundedness in why this feels important to you. The reality is that change can be hard for people. For you to adjust how things have been done can feel like an attack on others in your life. They may resent you, be angry with you, or be dismissive and it absolutely sucks.
When the other people in your life are still deeply invested in continuing the patterns they can become defensive, combative, even dismissive or hurtful. It may be shining a light on something they may not be ready to look at, or rubbing against a wound they are unable to tend to at this time.
seeing how it all began
When you start to break cycles it can open your eyes to how the pattern began in the first place. You can begin to piece together how people have adapted, and the ways the patterns have helped them survive. It is hard to hold two truths at once, that the behaviour is no longer serving you, and empathizing and understanding why someone else continues to do it.
picking up the torch
On days when I am feeling tired, or overwhelmed I find myself wishing that I had chosen not to pick up this torch. Now that I’ve started running with it, there is always something that needs tending to. But then I think about how much my life has changed since I’ve started doing the “hard” things:
- I feel more free and grounded more than I ever have
- I’ve set clear and conscious boundaries and expectations for myself.
- I’ve stood up for others who did not have a voice for themselves.
- I’ve entered into discussions I knew would result in conflict, understanding that without them unhelpful patterns and behaviours would continue to emerge.
It’s tough, but worth it.
It is also important to hold that not everyone is ready to break the cycles that aren’t working. Please do not shame yourself or others for not picking up the torch. We need to have the bandwidth to battle these patterns, and there are a million reasons why someone isn’t ready to pick it up.
I am not alone in doing this work
I know that there are so many people in our community doing this difficult but powerful work. I see all of the hard things you are doing and I want you to know that it matters. In the big, and little ways you are breaking the cycles, it matters so damn much.
Is this a myth that you have heard before? Feel free to share in the comments.
dear cycle breakers, I see you
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This is SO beautiful! It is true that being a cycle breaker is hard. You are unlearning, then teaching a guiding against the grain. AND the patriarchy has a vested interest in you not succeeding. The cycle only works when no one challenges it. Your power can change the work for generations! That is incredible. Thank you for doing that healing work, Meg! I see you, girl!