When Your Doula Clients Don’t Call: What It Means, Why It Happens, and How to Cope

It’s a scenario that can sting: you’ve done everything right, prepared, checked in, and created an amazing birth plan with them. You have been to their home 3 times. Your bag is packed. You have told people ‘if I am not a birth’ at least 6 times this week alone.

You are excited.

Then, when it’s time, they simply… don’t call. 

You wait, you wonder, and as soon as you find out they had the baby already, that nagging inner voice kicks in, questioning your worth. 

It’s natural to feel this way. The first time a client didn’t call me, I spun out! It swiftly wiped out the 100 positive reviews I had already acquired in my practice. 

Pause here for a minute – let’s get really, really clear: your client’s choice not to call you has little to do with your support or skill as a doula. Often, it’s a deeply personal choice, one that reflects more about what they wanted in that moment of birth. Their birth.

Again, it’s not a reflection on you, but a reflection on their needs at the moment of labor.

Real talk, we see this happen with doulas at every level of experience; from those just starting out, to seasoned pros. 

So, let’s talk about why this happens, how to care for yourself, and what steps you can take to protect your practice financially.

Why Clients Sometimes Choose Not to Call

Clients may choose not to call their doula for a wide range of reasons. Some are logistical, some emotional, and others are them doing what we want them to do, trusting their intuition (hello, BRAIN). Here are a few common reasons, though the list is as varied as each birth journey:

• They found a rhythm on their own.

  In the thick of labor, some clients find themselves immersed in a deeply intimate “birth bubble,” often with just their partner or closest loved ones. They may feel that adding anyone else – even you, a trusted doula – might disrupt that magical dynamic they’ve got goin’ on.

• It became an emergency.

  Labor can shift quickly. If your client’s labor turned urgent, they may not have had the time to reach out or consider adding anyone else to the team.

• Their feelings shifted.

  Sometimes, the experience of birth unfolds differently than expected, and clients may feel that including a doula no longer aligns with their moment-to-moment needs.

• Another support person stepped up.

  Family members or close friends often step in unexpectedly, sometimes providing a level of comfort or familiarity that makes the client feel supported without needing to call you. They may have hired you because their mom couldn’t make it… and now she can.

• Their environment changed.

  Situations can shift quickly in the birth space. Your client may have found themselves feeling self-conscious, or perhaps a personal change left them feeling less open to having you witness them. We have seen this with domestic violence especially – they don’t want a witness, and we know abuse increases significantly during pregnancy.

• Their intuition guided them.

  Birth can be a deeply intuitive process, and sometimes clients feel a strong, unspoken pull to handle things in a certain way… even if it means deviating from their original plan that involved you. And we want this. We want them to trust their guts. To say no. To not care about other people’s feelings and wants at the expense of their own or their baby’s.

In the end, there are so many reasons your clients may not call, each one is all about them. It’s not easy, but try to remember, it’s not about you or your support. It’s about what felt right for them in that moment, and that’s okay.

Ok, but we know that your feelings are hurt, you may be feeling shame, and this can question your ability as a doula. So let’s take care of you now…

What to Do When This Happens to You

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings (All of Them!)

When a client doesn’t call, it’s natural to feel a flood of emotions. Relief, disappointment, frustration, doubt, and all of these reactions are valid. It’s okay to feel let down, especially if you were deeply invested in supporting their birth. Don’t judge these feelings, let them happen and feel them, you care deeply which is why you are in a helping and healing career. 

Allow yourself to process the emotions rather than pushing them aside. Give yourself the grace to feel whatever arises, and remind yourself that all doulas, no matter their experience, have been there. All. Of. Us.

2. Reach Out to Your Community for Support

This is where your doula network comes into play. Connecting with other doulas who “get it” can provide a deeply comforting sense of understanding and reassurance. Reach out to a close friend, backup doula, trusted birth pal, or a therapist if you need a safe space to talk through your experience. Having a supportive network makes a difference in moments like these.

Sharing with others who have experienced similar situations can help you let go of self-doubt and offer a reminder of how skilled, capable, and needed you are as a doula. It can quiet those gremlin voices. 

3. Follow Up with Your Client

When you reach out to your client post-birth, keep the tone warm and genuine. Let them know you’re here for them and that you wish them well. If you’re attending a postpartum visit, stay focused on their experience. Ask about their birth story and listen with empathy. This is their moment, so let them share as they’re comfortable, without digging for reasons they may not have called you. Trust me, you may want to know ‘why’ they didn’t call. 

Some clients may tell you upfront why they didn’t reach out, while others may keep it private. Either way, remember: your client’s decision not to call isn’t something they need to justify, nor is it something they should feel responsible for explaining to you. Allow them the space to share or keep their reasons as they choose.

This point is really, really important so I am going to summarize it again: Don’t let your hurt feelings cloud up the space. Ask them how they feel about their birth. Listen. Do not fish for understanding of why they did not call you. You may never know, or they may tell you. They cannot be responsible for your feelings. 

4. Focus on Moving Forward

One client’s choice not to call doesn’t define your value as a doula. There are so many other birthers and families waiting for your love and support. Don’t get caught in a loop of overthinking or self-doubt. We know, this is easier said than done, so do your best. 

While it’s natural to be curious or want closure, releasing the need for a “why” can be freeing. There will be other clients and your care will be a goshdarn gift for them!

Pro Tip: Protect Yourself with a Contract Clause

To avoid the stress of navigating this financially, make sure your contract includes language covering what happens when clients don’t call you. We highly recommend that you have this built in. We also suggest that you have collected full payment before the baby is born. 

These clauses can help protect you financially and keep the boundaries clear – your clients are free to not call you, and they have taken a spot on your calendar so they still need to pay. This way, your value is respected even if your client’s birth path shifts in an unexpected direction.

How you do your business is your business – we drop little protips that you are free to take, modify or leave entirely. 

Join a Supportive Community

If you’re seeking a community of like-minded doulas who understand these challenges and offer a safe, supportive space to process, we invite you to join the Hot + Brave Doula Club. Use code TRY30 to try it for free – link’s in our bio!

You’re not alone in feeling this. Every doula encounters situations where clients choose not to call, and navigating it with grace, self-compassion, and a strong support system can help you move forward stronger. ❤️

By Bianca Sprague, founder of bebo mia inc.