What Clients Really Look for in a Doula

If you ask doulas what they think that potential clients want, you will hear a lot of guesses… Experience. Calm energy. Certifications. Reasonable pricing. While none of those things are meaningless, they are also not even close to the whole story. 

Fun note: This will be a relief to those of you that are scared to say how many clients you have supported because you are worried it is not enough! Breathe easy, babe.

When families are actually choosing a doula, especially in a system that is rushed, medicalized, and often dismissive of their needs, they are looking for something deeper. Someone that they can relate to. This magical something that makes them feel safe enough to tell the truth. They want a guide through the system that they know is failing them.

This matters if you want to be the best doula for the people you feel called to serve. It matters if you want to attract aligned doula clients. And it matters if you are choosing the best doula training and wondering what actually translates into real world trust.

Let’s talk honestly about what clients really look for in a doula and why this goes far beyond a weekend certificate.

Clients are looking for safety, not perfection in their doula

One of the biggest myths in birthwork is that clients want the perfect doula. But that ‘perfection’ is defined by the doula… you know, you have a beautiful website, have attended lots of births, have an app for your client care, have branded scrubs and matching peanut ball, and you have taken dozens of different certifications. 

That is not what people are actually searching for.

Research on therapeutic relationships shows that perceived emotional safety and trust are stronger predictors of satisfaction than technical expertise alone. In healthcare settings, studies consistently find that patients who feel heard and respected report better experiences, even when outcomes are complex or unpredictable. This holds true in maternity care as well.

For doula clients, safety looks like this.

• Someone who listens without judging.
• Someone who does not panic when plans change.
• Someone who can hold space for fear, grief, anger, or ambivalence without trying to fix it.
• Someone who has a broad referral system to connect their clients into the other helping spaces they need. 
• Clients are not hiring a doula because they want a flawless performance. They are hiring a doula because they want to feel less alone inside a system that often makes them feel small. 

This idea of the perfect doula comes from within the doula industry. 

Clients want to feel believed

This is a big one.

Many people seek out a doula after already being dismissed by healthcare providers, family members, or the internet. Pain minimized. Concerns brushed off. Intuition questioned. Choices judged. Let’s put choices judged on the list two times since it is SUCH a big one for families!

When clients say they want the best doula, what they often mean is this, ‘I want someone who believes me.’

Belief shows up in subtle but powerful ways for the folks we are working with:

You take their fears seriously instead of reframing them away.
You trust their instincts about their body and their baby.
You validate their right to change their mind.

A 2020 study published in Birth found that continuous labor support, including emotional validation and advocacy, was associated with higher satisfaction and lower rates of negative birth experiences. Feeling believed is really important to our clients and giving them that is such a game changer!

You can do this by learning to listen, we have a great blog about that here. 

Clients are watching how you talk about power

Doula clients are paying close attention to how you talk about doctors, nurses, midwives, and systems of care. These are subtle, but powerful, clues and believe us, potential clients notice.

They want a doula who understands power without becoming adversarial. Someone who can name systemic issues without creating more fear or conflict. Someone who knows how to support autonomy without positioning themselves as the expert in the room.

This is where training matters deeply.

The best doula training does not just teach comfort measures or birth physiology. It teaches how power operates in healthcare. How racism, fatphobia, ableism, and sexism shape outcomes. How to support informed consent in a way that is grounded and ethical.

Clients want a doula who can walk into a room and lower the temperature, not raise it.

Let’s hang out here for a second… your clients or potential clients may really like their hospital. They might be proud to be the 4th generation birthing there, or it is where their cousin is a doctor, or they think it is really beautiful and they can afford to birth there. Whatever it is, they would feel bad or worse if you slagged it (or hospitals in general). 

We want to be working with our clients, where they are right now. They could LOVE their primary care doctor but want you because their spouse has a disability and cannot do some of the physical support. There are so many scenarios and you have to be really aware not to sh*t talk nurses, doctors, the hospitals or their care plan. 

If you don’t like the birth environment but they do, you will pull them in different directions if you share this. This can create self-doubt for them or even resentment towards you, the doula. If they feel safe there, great, we don’t need to have them fear yet another thing in birth!

Ok, rant over about that… let’s move on to decisions and our clients. 

Clients care more about how you make decisions than what you know

Knowledge matters. Of course it does. But clients are rarely evaluating you on how many studies you can cite off the top of your head.

They are watching how you make decisions.

Do you slow down when something feels off?
Do you ask questions instead of giving directives?
Do you adapt when circumstances change?

This is why practice based education alone falls short. Knowing information is not the same as integrating it. When you can integrate it, this is where safety lives for your clients. 

Real learning requires discomfort, reflection, and application over time. Educational research consistently shows that deeper learning happens when students are asked to struggle, synthesize, and practice decision making in context. Yes, your learning curve needed time and support so that you can be the best doula for your potential future clients. Crash courses just don’t cut it!

Clients may not know the term for this, but they can feel the difference between a doula who has memorized protocols and a doula who has learned how to think.

Clients want continuity and follow through

Reliability is wildly underrated in doula marketing. There are SO many studies that show this!

Clients are not just hiring you for the birth or the visit. They are hiring you for the in between moments. The check ins after their doctor says they won’t support a VBAC. The follow up when they find out their baby needs surgery after all. The fearful text when they are spotting at 29 weeks. 

According to the Listening to Mothers survey, one of the most common frustrations reported by birthing people is feeling abandoned or unsupported during transitions in care. Doulas often become the only consistent thread and we bridge all the gaps in the healthcare system.

Being the best doula is not about being endlessly available either, don’t forget your boundaries. It is about being clear and dependable within your scope and care commitments.

Clients are looking for emotional maturity

This one is uncomfortable to talk about, but it matters.

Clients are not just assessing your skills. They are assessing your nervous system.

Can you sit with discomfort without centering yourself?
Can you handle feedback without defensiveness?
Can you separate your own birth story from theirs?

Emotional maturity is one of the strongest predictors of trust in caregiving relationships. It cannot be rushed. (And it cannot be taught in a two day training.)

This is why the best doula training includes mentorship, reflection, and accountability. Not just information delivery. We spend weeks and weeks on this. We learn about our ego and how to manage it. We learn and practice skills with mindfulness and staying grounded and centred even when things get tough. This takes so much practice and makes such a difference when you are actually in the fertility clinic, birth space or postpartum place.

Clients want honesty about limits from their doula

The best doulas are not the ones who know it all and promise everything.

Clients can understand and appreciate when their doula is honest with them. Time and again, doctors will give them an answer, even if it is incorrect, just to be able to offer something. We once heard a doctor say that the baby had enough milk at the breast if their stomach is hard, full and distended. They said this instead of ‘I don’t know how to tell if a baby has breastfed enough, let me find someone who does.’ Because their ego was in the front seat and they had to be the authority and expert in the room, that mom probably abandoned breastfeeding when she got home because her baby would have never had a hard and distended belly. 

Sadly, we are trained to trust doctors even when we know that they are wrong… And they are wrong a lot! 

A great doula gets comfortable with phrases like:

I do not know, but I can help you find out.
This is outside my scope, and here is who I would refer you to.
I need to take a pause, here is someone who will be with you for a couple hours.

Clients trust boundaries and feel safe within them. Do you know what makes them feel squirrely and guarded? When they can tell someone doesn’t know but is delivering that over confidence vibe.

Being honest about limits in knowledge and ability is a radical act of care.

Clients are choosing values, even when they do not say it out loud

When doula clients are interviewing you, they are listening for values.

How do you talk about choice?
How do you talk about money?
How do you talk about marginalized families?

Values alignment is one of the strongest predictors of long term satisfaction in support relationships. This is especially true for queer families, families of color, disabled parents, and those navigating systemic barriers.

Being the best doula is not about being everything to everyone. It is about being clear about who you are and who you serve.

What this means for doulas in training

If you are trying to become the best doula you can be, this is your invitation to zoom out.

Clients are not primarily shopping for credentials. In fact, they do not know about doula schools and different doula certifications. Those are things we just say to one another and know what is happening… Potential doula clients are shopping for safety, belief, vibe, and consistency.

That means the best doula training is not the fastest one. It is the one that challenges you. The one that asks you to reflect. The one that teaches you how to think, not just what to do.

Weekend trainings might give you information. But they rarely give you integration because it is just not possible to accomplish in a weekend. And clients can feel that difference.

The bottom line about doula training

Doula clients are not asking for perfection. They are asking for a safe presence that makes them feel autonomous and competent.

They want a doula who can stand beside them when things are uncertain. Who understands the very complicated power dynamics in the hospital. Who respects autonomy for parent(s). Who knows when to speak and when to be quiet.

If you want to be the best doula, focus less on proving yourself and more on becoming someone who is safe to be human with.

That is what clients are really looking for.

And that kind of doula is built through time, mentorship, and training that goes deeper than the surface.

If you would like to check out our full spectrum doula training, go here, you will have your life changed in the most beautiful way!