What Is the Hardest Part of Being a Doula? What No One Warns You About

Does anyone else find themselves lost in the Instagram or Youtube worm hole of beautiful birth videos? Even after watching 100s of births live and countless birth videos and those tears still flow every. darn. time. There is something magical about a baby coming earthside. Ok, Babes, back to you… if you are looking into a doula training online or thinking about a job as a doula, you have probably seen the dreamy version of the work.

Supporting families.
Watching babies be born.
Helping people feel strong and confident.

And yes, that part is real. It is wonderful and I have to pinch myself that this is my job. 

But let’s talk about the other side of doula work for a minute. Because working as a doula is incredible, meaningful, and sometimes very intense. There are parts of the job that people don’t always warn you about before you sign up for doula training. As the founder of bebo mia inc and a full spectrum doula, I am obsessssed with informed consent. So I want you to have all the information before you jump in. Note: This is not to scare you away, it is just so that we are having a wildly honest conversation before you make a career change.

And honestly? It is better to know going in because then you can plan and mitigate the risks or less desirable parts. 

The hours can be… chaotic as a birth doula

Let’s start with the big one.

Birth does not care about your schedule.

One of the hardest parts of doula work is the unpredictability. If you are a birth doula or labor doula, you are on call. That means babies may decide to arrive at 3pm on a Tuesday… or 2am on a Sunday… or right when you finally sat down to dinner.

Doula hours of work are not the same as a regular job.

You might attend a birth that lasts six hours.
Or twenty hours.
Or occasionally even longer.

This is why many doulas structure their work carefully. Some take one client per month. Some build strong backup systems. Some combine birth work with postpartum support so they have more predictable hours. The latter is one of my favorite model styles of shared care then you always know when you are working or not working. It makes this work SO much more sustainable! This is something that we teach in our full spectrum online doula training. 

And yes, some doulas work part time or keep another job while building their practice. If you are wondering whether that is possible, we break that down here.

The flexibility is amazing, but it requires intention and great support. If you are worried about not having support, we teach you how to build it with other folks in your community. 

The emotional intensity is real as a doula

Birth is powerful and the postpartum period is a dance of learning and adjustments and letting go. They are also unpredictable to support and hold space for.

One of the scary parts of doula work is witnessing how quickly situations can shift. Most births go smoothly, but sometimes they do not. Sometimes clients are scared. Sometimes plans change. A lot of the time the system is frustrating and oppressive.

When you are working in the postpartum period, families are going through massive physical, emotional and reality shifts. They have imagined what this would feel like, the early days and weeks of being a parent… and there is typically a big gap between expectations and reality. The bigger the gap, the harder it is for those parents and the more intense the job of closing that gap can be. 

Doulas are there through all of that.

You are holding space for people in one of the most vulnerable moments of their lives. Again, that is meaningful work, but it can also be emotionally heavy. Dance parties to shake it off are one of my favorite post-client care tools. Followed by food and a cry in the shower before sleeping. Shake, nourish and wash it all away. 

This is why a good doula training does not just teach comfort measures. It also teaches boundaries, reflection, and community support. No one should be doing this work in isolation. It is just not possible and we need to normalize community care for helpers and healers, like you, sweet doula dreamer. 

If you want to understand more about how doulas fit into birth teams and systems of care, this article explains it well.

Learning what is actually your job as a full spectrum doula

Another challenge that surprises new doulas is learning what is and is not their responsibility.

A doula job is non medical. 

Doulas do not diagnose conditions, perform procedures, or give medical advice. 

But clients often look to their doula for reassurance when things feel uncertain. I cannot tell you how many times my clients have looked up at me immediately after their doctor walked in the room and suggested something. My go to answer is, ‘do you have any questions about what they are suggesting?’ to bring them back into their autonomy. 

So a big part of working as a doula is learning how to support people while staying within your scope of practice and always bringing the client back into the center of the care ring because it only matters what they want and decide. This is a tricky dance and something that we spend a lot of time on in our full spectrum online doula training. That ego wants to jump into the mix and quieting it is key to being an awesome doula. 

That means helping clients ask good questions, understand information using the B.R.A.I.N. tool, and feel confident speaking with their providers.

If you want a deeper dive into this topic, we explain it here.

Understanding scope is what keeps both doulas and families safe.

The business side of being a doula

Here is another thing people do not always clearly explain about the career of being a doula. This is not really a warning, just a reality check. 

A doula job is also a business for lots of folks. There are expectations for this, FYI. Some of those exceptions are hospital programs, agencies, community care programs, credentialing with an insurance provider, and working with NPOs.

For those of you setting up a practice alone or with some other doulas, you are not just supporting births and overnights. You are also finding clients, managing schedules, sending contracts, tracking payments, and building relationships in your community.

For many doulas, this is the part that feels intimidating at first. Some of you are the most excited about this part! 

The good news is that it gets easier with guidance and experience. Many doulas build thriving businesses once they understand how clients actually find them. Again, shameless plug here, but our doula training also includes a full business school inside the course so you will know exactly what to do to get clients. 

We talk more about the different ways a doula career can evolve here. This is also something that we teach, we want you to know all the things that you can do with your doula certification that is not hands on client care. 

Doula work is flexible, and the business side still matters for your longevity and success.

The system is not always easy for doulas (or parents)

Another honest part of the job as a doula is navigating systems which are typically oppressive and more about the bottom line than care. This is the medical system, social services and the family care. 

Hospitals can be busy and stretched thin with complicated hierarchies. Policies can feel confusing and a lot of care is more about litigation avoidance. Clients a lot of the time feel overwhelmed or unheard as they are caught between a rock and a hard place while being told that they are in the middle and the priority. 

Part of doula work is helping people stay calm, ask questions, and advocate for themselves while folks around them are not always honest or forthcoming.

You are not there to fight the system while working with clients (after you leave the room you need to fight with all your might to change the systems and name harm and oppression if that feels like something you have the bandwidth for). You are there to help clients move through it with more clarity and confidence and protection.

That kind of support can make a huge difference in how someone experiences their fertility, birth and postpartum period… you can literally change and save lives. 

Taking a weekend training

We cannot say this enough, but your training matters more than you know. The weekend doula training model is outdated and it needs an update before want to be doulas should even consider registering. Yes, the appeal of 2 days and you are done can draw you in. But what you are not told is how many other trainings you will need to take AFTER that to be ready to take on clients. 

The world of birth and postpartum have changed so much since the original model was developed in the late 1980s (and it was for nurses and other health care professionals btw). It was not designed to catch up the average person without previous training… but the organizations have just let it ride. The result is less than 10% of folks who take a weekend training go on to have a career as a doula. That is heart breaking! 

There are also $500+ fees per year to maintain your certification. And yes, if you don’t pay them, you are no longer considered certified which impacts hospital access and insurability. 

Read more about why we need to end the weekend doula training model here. 

So what is the hardest part of being a doula?

For most people it is the combination of things.

The unpredictable schedule.
The emotional intensity.
The responsibility of holding space for families in big life moments.

But here is the funny thing, those same parts are also what make doula work so meaningful. It keeps your work interesting and it is never monotonous or predictable. This can be great for people who get bored in their work or who are neurodiverse.  

If you are exploring a doula training online, the goal is not to pretend the work is all like the birth videos and holding squishy babies (although that is a huge part of it). The goal is to understand it clearly so you can decide whether it fits your life. I want you to consider your body, mind and spirit. 

Because for many people, working as a doula ends up being one of the most fulfilling, empowering and healing jobs they have ever had. I know that it was the best thing to ever happen to me and completely changed my life over these last 19 years. 

Hard? Sometimes.

Worth it? For the right people, absolutely.

If you are thinking about doula work and you have specific questions about your life and situation, we are happy to jump on a call with you. You can ask us anything and we chat it out. Just shoot us an email at [email protected] and Kelly will set that up with you. 

xoxo,

Bianca